Hello. I hope everyone out there is fine.
I'm living and breathing, I wouldn't say:"alive". Somehow that word seems too energetic for my state.
So I've finished working my anime job in the May. Went into a doctor-ordered and family-ordered time off from work.
I decided to stay away from the computer after a few days because I was constaintly looking for work or work related material. Which didn't serve any good purpose since I was supposed to rest. But discussing things with my brothers and battling with my own demons sort of put me down for I while. Maybe I was just tired because on the last job I did the routine lesser hours of sleep ending in an all-nighter.
After that I've been mostly doing crafts and coloring. My drive to "create" is sort of going really high, almost at an insane level, but I tried not to do much drawing which is too connected to work. So lots of color pencils, oil pastels and other stuff I've never tried or pulling out old art supplies. Coloring is good. I don't work with colors on my job, but I understand the soothing effect it has. It's fun.
I'm presently taking courses in crafts and chalk-art, hoping they may lead to another type of job opening. I know it won't take off right away but that is all very fine with my family and doctor. Everyone is sort of against me going back to work. And I didn't realize why until about a week ago.
Although I feel refreshed and reenergized, the truth is my body and mind cannot take on anything that will cause negative stress at a higher level. Anything that would have someone "worry" threw me into a panic attack followed by suicidal thoughs and high anxiety. After coming to my senses since my cat was circling me and screaming at me, I finally took some of my meds and rested. I feel completely ashamed after waking up to a calmer state of mind. My cat is taking care of me!!!! Oh wow. She didn't leave my side for a while and followed me everywhere with this look of "I'm keeping an eye on you!" She screamed at me to eat, screamed at me to go to bed and purred me to sleep. Gosh I love her. BUT my CAT is taking care of me........ Talk about not being functional....
So here I am in mid August wondering if my plans of going back to work in October are realistic. I do plan to take it slow but the problem is that NOBODY believes me. Their claims of I'm rushing it ring true more than before.
Well anyways I hope to upload the stuff I've been making during my silence and some older stuff and new stuff too. Japan is having a very hot summer this year, hope it's better where you live.